is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
