literally had 100 drinks last night.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
