if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize