I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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