honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
