I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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