im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
