please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
