so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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