Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
