you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
