i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize