Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
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