She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
