Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
