She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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