five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
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