this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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