I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
