wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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