He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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