I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
