i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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