Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
