I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I have demons in me.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
she peed on how many people?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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