dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
