just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
