2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
