beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Best friends brother. Beat that.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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