hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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