Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
It was like getting head from an anaconda
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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