My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
