I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
