How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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