yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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