I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
