You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
