Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
