Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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