and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize