the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
