Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
