do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
whose ass print is on the piano?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
