Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
