There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
