Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
