Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
