Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
