I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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