Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
