I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
