I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
