I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Randomize
