Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
