so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
