u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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