Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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