I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
