i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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