I'm laying in your front yard are you home
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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