Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
