Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Nobody cheats on THIS.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
