Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
