her vagina looked like bernie madoff
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
