Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
