He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize